I am a Christian. I am a gay man. Here is chronicle of my symbolic journey west, toward adventure, challenge, mystery and ultimately peace.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Using Someone Else's Words

I am totally 100% ripping off someone else's words today. Specifically, I am borrowing from PomoProphet, and you ought to spend some time reading his blog. I use his words because so many times he has given me words for feelings and emotions that I could not figure out for myself. I swear he walks around in my head sometimes.

In his most recent post, he writes about going to a gay wedding, and concludes with these words:

On a personal note I admit that part of me is still uncomfortable with being gay. And with all the gayness I was surrounded by. I mean I spent almost 7 years in exgay ministries trying to change and thinking how horrible homosexuality is. That's alot of residue to deal with. And i'm not just going to change over night. I wish I was alot more comfortable. I wish I was more secure in my relationship with Jesus over this stuff. So I haven't arrived yet. I'm still a mess. And i've got to work on the negative feelings I still hold towards homosexuality. But what I saw in that wedding was beautiful. And I hope that it becomes alot more common place in the future and more people get to see how wonderful love can be.

I get that! I know appreciate those feelings and many days wonder if I will ever come out from under them. Though I did not spend a signficant amount of time in ex-gay ministries, the rest makes perfect sense to me.

Thanks, Pomo. I really appreciate you.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Finding My Voice

There is sooooo much to write about lately. The presidential election. (I found that whole John McCain / John Hagee fiasco intriguing; I could go on and on and on.) The California gay marriage deal. The slow pace with which I am becoming ever more comfortable with myself. It seems as if I am having trouble deciding what to say, or how to say it. Ironically, this could be a good thing, as it might indicate some progress on my journey.

There have been a busy couple weeks for me, and I have had some small but very neat victories for me in my personal life in areas completely unrelated to sexuality. (By the way, I love the word neat. I think it is very much underused!)

In the meantime, just know that I am thinking. I am very good at thinking, and analyzing, and pondering, and wondering, and probing, and analyzing some more, and turning over, and then doing it all over again. Once I find my voice, I will be back with more.

Take care, my friends.