Great! So what happens when you don't believe in yourself? And you never have? What happens when you honestly cannot remember even one day when you thought, "I'm a damn good guy!" What happens when you do not have any confidence in yourself, yet you are wrestling by the one comtemporary issue which makes people go ballistic? Reality is that I do care what everyone else thinks. And the reason that I care is that if I honestly confront what I think of myself, it's ugly.
So where does self-confidence come from? Is there a tree I can pick it from? Do I buy it in a can at Home Depot? Some might say self-confidence comes from Jesus. And while I do believe that to be true, I also find such a response to be a bit too simplistic. I know Jesus; He knows me. He probably even likes me, but He is not here in a physical way to tell me that. He does not wipe away my quiet tears at night. And there are plenty of people claiming to be his representative who come into my life only to harp about how upside-down I must be for prefering men over women. Or for attending the 'wrong' church. Or for not praying enough. Or, my personal favorite, for not sowing enough seed into their ministry.
This is not a ploy to solicit comments about what a nice person I probably am. I'm tempted to not even allow comments on this post specifically to prevent that. I guess I'm just wondering today how I'm supposed to get that confidence and personal belief in myself. Just about everyone who has met me picks up very quickly that I am very hard on myself and that I put myself down frequently. So much so that sometimes I wonder if that is just a part of who I am, a guy with no self-confidence. And yet, I can find hope and excitement and worth in anyone else's journey.
I believed in other people when no one else would. Now if I could just learn how to believe in myself. That task could be far harder than anything else I've faced on my journey.
5 comments:
Journeyman, do you give false compliments? If not (which is what I am betting on) then why would other people? Just try to stop the thought that people are lying to you when they compliment you. "Maybe they could be right!"
But I am not going to say that this is easy.
Another thing that might help is to ask why that person has any right to judge you. What gives them the right? Are they more intelligent than you? Are they more moral than you? No, these people who are judging of you are frail and fallible humans just like you are.
You may have made some bad choices in your life, I don't know. But you are not your choices. You are much more than that.
You are moving and you are growing. That is what is important. The path you follow is your path and you will tread it just the way you need to.
You are the same you that you were before you "knew" or came out and I imagine that that person is not all that bad. After all, who created you? God! And God doesn't make bad! You are uniquely you. What you need is to re-program yourself. Two things to do -- first, refuse to listen to the put downs and criticisms (even your own), and second -- make yourself tell yourself something good about you as often as you can -- at least once or twice a day in front of the mirror. Remember that you know you best; most people who say hurtful things have no idea what they are talking about. Feel sorry for them, not for you. They are missing out on your unique specialness.
awhen you find that store that sell self-confidence let me know, i thought after being "discovered" that would help, but still hasn't and am waiting for the tables to turn......how long do we wait....:)
i've got no advice.
just ((hug))
i understand. and i relate.
I was feeling similarly just a few days ago - this past Sunday. Very very (very) hard day for me in terms of self-esteem and self-confidence. I wanted to cry but I couldn't.
The only thing that I could hold on to was the fact that - out of experience - I knew that tomorrow would and could be a different and new day. So I had to wait it out. I had to trudge through Sunday until Monday came around.
Monday was a better day.
We do our best on this journey, one step at a time - one day at a time.
Keeping heading West . . . . I hear there's sun out there!
So, you want to know what happens to us without self esteem. Of course there is no answer that applies to all. I can tell you how it was for me. I didn't come out because I had to think of my self, I did it because of a huge fear of God. I came to a point where I knew I couldn't survive if I continued living as I did. My thoughts and acts was to horrible to accept even if nobody knew but me and God. But I was (am) so terrified by God so I just was not able to kill my self. So I punished my self with the great shame of coming out.
When I came out I had no idea I would get a self-esteem by being out.
I don't know if you are a nice person, I don't know you at all. If I would guess I think that you probably can act very good and be nice but that you still have a great deal of junk that distracts you from being able to be honestly nice. Not just nice the way you have learned that you supposed to be but nice because you have landed in love.
It is possible to get there even if you have no map. Just keep bringing on the questions and the path will show it self.
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