It's another one of those slop-fest kind of days. I've had so much on my plate lately that I've really been going at full speed for work and school and the like. Not much time to spend on me, which has been good and bad. Good because I get to focus on something other than me. Bad because busy tmes seem so much like a distraction, a balm, almost like a pain-killer to what churns inside me.
I've stayed away from the porn monster for about a week now, and that makes me proud. I would say it makes me happy, but I'm not so sure that's the case. I would LOVE to spend some time looking at some built guys on-line or on a DVD, but I know where that usually puts me, and the frame of mind that I have after looking. So I'm staying away from that for now.
I feel so different. So different from everyone...gay or straight. I have a very hard time accepting love from people around me because I convince myself I am not like them. That I am different, unworthy, or whatever. I know, I know. Someone is reading this and thinking, "Journeyman is at it again, on one of his down days." Even isolating. Yep. I just want to know that I'll come out of some of my confusion whole, and loved by my friends, and loved by God.
What a random post today!
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About Me
- Journeyman
- But inside I am hurting. I love Jesus. I am gay. I do dumb stuff. I long for peace within myself.
4 comments:
i have finally realized that God does indeed love us all gay or straight, having finally accepted and embraced that fact i am indeed gay, has made a whole world of difference in my attitudes, don't worry journeyman, God does indeed love you, and you will find love and companionship, when the time is right, so, just remember God don't make no junk, he created us in HIS image and that dear friend is what keeps me going each day ..hugs to you where ever you are
ok dude, i have a joel osteen desk calender on my desk at work that i refer to each and every morning, when i read this mornings entry i thought of you right away...get out your bible and read 1 corinthians 12:11
and this is his entry
"if you are going to enjoy your life to the full,you must learn to be confident as the individual God made you to be. Understand this:you were not created to mimic somebody else,you were created to be you,when you go around copying and trying to be like somebody else, not only does it demean you, it steals your diversity,your creativity and your uniqueness."
journeyman, think about what you could accomplish if you follow this, i know i am reading very carefully
hugs
dave
You ended your post by saying "I just want to know that I'll come out of some of my confusion whole, and loved by my friends, and loved by God." To which I respond by saying, you are already whole; you're a whole human being, albeit a bit fractured from all the confusion you've been facing. Secondly, God already loves you, no matter what. It took me forever to realize this, but I've learned to accept it, and it's made a world of difference. And thirdly, if you're not loved by your friends (which I'm sure will not be the case), then your friends are the ones missing out on a relationship with you! You are amazing and you are doing an awesome job living your life. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "keep your chin up, you're doing fine."
I can identify with a lot of the things you go through, my friend. I've struggled with my sexuality ever since I realized the things I felt. Porn was something I indulged in quite a lot, and ever nowadays it's a struggle to say no, and I fall back into old habits from time to time.
Know that you are not alone. Know that what you share helps and encourages others. And above all else, always remember that Jesus loves you no matter what.
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