When you're buried, at least you have less chance of falling

I feel buried lately.

Work has been absolutely out of control, with me working lots of "bonus" hours over the past six weeks. Then there's the helping hand I have been giving my friends with whatever they need help with. The computer that won't work, the dishwasher that leaks, the garden that needs tending, the forms that need to be couriered from here to there.
But I also feel buried emotionally. I feel that at times I intentionally make myself so busy so as to avoid the quiet, those moments where thinking and struggling mix, those times in which I grow. After all, if I'm going at break-neck speed helping everyone else, collapsing into bed exhausted after going, going, going all day, I feel less pain. I can't spend time worrying about myself, or blogging, or thinking,...

...or growing.

I realize now that keeping my head down and plowing forward is a coping strategy I have employed for years. If I can just stay busy, perhaps helping other people, then I won't have to look at myself. And I wonder if that "selfless" principle is not so much an abundant love of the people in my life as it is a example of how my low self-esteem ranks me dead last on my list of things to care for and nurture.

But it does hurt less. I can't fall from a high place when I'm already buried.

So I am trying over the past few days to discover those things which mean something to me, those things to which I need to devote time and effort and love. Perhaps even those things to which God calls me.

Apologies to ya'll for the long blogging pauses, and especially to Dave who has been worrying about me. Get yourself well, buddy. I hoping to keep peddling, to keep moving forward, and to keep growing. Wish me luck!