I got myself calmed down a bit from the last post. It wasn't easy or pretty, and I spent the better part of a weekend wandering through the valley of loneliness. And I got some good sleep, which for me is often is 80% of feeling better. That said, I am really quite happy to have gotten that blog spot written, because those were feelings and ideas I have been fighting with for a long time but hadn't been able to actually put to words until last week.My counselor and I had a long talk about these feelings, and after a time she encouraged me to hang in there, and to work on focusing on those times when I truly am content and happy. I am beginning to realize that I am a pretty good guy, for the most part, who happens to find men attractive. And some of the temptations and struggles I face are quite similar to any other guy, but they manifest themselves differently and have different objects of desire.
I am praying for the day when I can be proud of myself. I'm awaiting the time when I can think of myself as a guy who likes guys and not collapse in shame. And honestly, I'm getting there. It's not as bad as it used to be. Life is a journey, right? And I am the Journeyman, right?
Thanks to everyone who reads and writes comments. You each put such thought and wisdom into what you leave here for me to read, and I am floored that some of you would write to someone who you haven't met (probably), and who hasn't revealed himself yet.
Take care, my friends.
5 comments:
hey dude.
glad you're feeling better. try not to put the whole weight of it all on your shoulders.
one day at a time :)
be blessed.
Discovering we're gay is quite a journey. After years of hating ourselves for it, we can't just turn that old stuff off. It takes time.
Just keep turning it off. Keep moving. It really will be worth it. That's what I keep telling myself. And I am beginning to see and feel and believe it.
Hang in, bro.
this after all is a journey, a journey of discovery, learning, or relearning lifes lessons, lifes actions, it has taken a long time for me to get to the point of not being ashamed of what, er who i am, and i can finally say i am damn comfortable with who i am evolving into, even at my age, relax dear friend, you will get to this point and just wait till you get there and hold on buddy cause it becomes a great great ride.....
love ya man
Dave and Bear both have it right. Give yourself time. And give youreself the space you need for posts like the last one. In the end, it's all worth it.
One day at a time. As a former bible college alumni who grew up in the church I can relate to your last post. Rest assured, it does get better and even though I just met you through your blog, it's obvious you have MUCH to be proud of.
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