Today I couldn't help but wonder what other people face in their lives that challenges them. The woman next to me at the library; what scares her? The artist I met yesterday over breakfast; will he recover from someone stealing several hundred dollars from his house? That guy in the white sweatshirt who sat alone at church this morning in the very back corner, avoiding every person's eye contact; what is his story?
I guess I simply long to know people better, and to have them know me. Several years ago one of the broadcast news networks aired a weekly segment in which the same reporter would go from town to town across America. He selected someone randomly from a phone book--or at least that was how it was presented. The reporter would learn their story, and I was continually amazed at what people had been through. One person lost his wife, and played the piano now in her memory. Another made kitchy lawn ornaments. Everyone has a story; I am no different.
Yet our society often prides itself on how well we conceal our stories. Don't let them see you cry. I'm just as guilty; I tell my friends things are "fine" when I know they are not. Therefore I cheat them of my story, and I cheat them of their chance to share their greatest burdens--and greatest triumphs. I rob them of their story and their chance to retell it, with all its jewels and warts combined together in some mysterious way. Bringing me even more sadness, the church is no different, as I and many others play a hopeless game of putting up facades in an attempt to fit in. I wonder how long we can keep it up?
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About Me
- Journeyman
- But inside I am hurting. I love Jesus. I am gay. I do dumb stuff. I long for peace within myself.
3 comments:
Journeyman, I think part of the whole thing is becoming comfortable with our own story. If I am embarrassed about my story, I will not be comfortable in sharing that story.
But I have found that when I become comfortable in my story, people become more comfortable in sharing their story. But at no time should we ever force someone to share their story. The story will happen when the time is right.
We do like to wear "masks", don't we, thinking that we will keep everybody comfortable and happy pretending to be someone other than who we are. But in reality, fear increases as we stress about accidently exposing what's behind the mask. Boo!
Of course, one of the most difficult lessons as a Christian believer is, "Let go and let God." As trite as it sounds, it really is true, since when we are authentic, God can use us. When we pretend to be someone else, we are not much use to to others, let alone ourselves.
Just found your blog and though I've not read it all, I get the jist. Many of us have struggled with trying to reconcile faith with our sexual identity. I remember a poem I wrote as a teen in the 60's, a line that said "a tug of war is being played..and my soul is the rope"
To make a very long story (tears, drama, therapy) short, once when I was on Cape Cod, I went to Provincetown for the day with a bunch of relatives and saw real gay people being happy. I knew then that I wanted to be gay and happy. I found a gay church group in a nearby city and the support that one can only get in a community. I experienced my gay adolescence at 35. Its 23 years later and I'm about as out as one can be.
Coming out is not just from a closet. It is from the core of your being. You can neither force it nor prevent it...be gentle
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